The following information is published with ROUNDALAB's permission from the ROUNDALAB Reference Manual compiled by Richard & Jo Ann Lawson, 1987.

(The next article was taken from The Bellwether - the newsletter for the North Willamette Callers and Cuers Association in the Portland, Oregon area. Marci is the wife of a local caller, and upon reading her article - I thought it would be appreciated in this section of the Journal. It's all relative, right?)

From the Heart

Marci Yoder
Hillsboro, Oregon

"In our haste to deal with the things that are wrong, let us not upset the things that are right". These words, printed in the January 1982 Bellwether meant so much to me, I felt compelled to put some feelings down on paper. Some may feel that I'm "airing dirty laundry in public". I only hope it will help others avoid similar situations. For those who can relate, you aren't alone. A positive attitude is important. And communication is the key.

Anyone who has ever danced to and admired a good caller and thought "pretty good pay for a few hours work" has never lived with one! The family pays dearly. Most callers spend eight hours a day on the job and 90 to 100 percent of their "spare" time researching old moves, new moves; old songs, new songs; pushing dolls or pushing pencils. They have hand written notes enough to paper the inside of the King Dome. They have records if laid side-by-side would stretch across the Golden Gate Bridge. They have equipment maintenance and miscellaneous expense. They have drive and determination.

Their "taw", if they're fortunate enough to still have one after a few years of calling - has learned to be both mother and father; chauffeur, mechanic, plumber, city farmer (by this I mean baling the hay that used to be the beautiful front lawn), and be fresh and ready with a smiling face to greet all those wonderful dancers, friends, and followers.

I felt I was failing miserably in every category. I was just about to become an x-wife, x-mom, x-chauffeur, x-mechanic, x-plumber, and x-baler. I was tired of all those demands; of the unfinished remodeling projects; the leaky roof (I patched it once!); and the lack of space and time for me.

Square dancing helped pull our marriage together ten years ago and now it seemed to be the force pulling us apart. In truth, it wasn't the calling that nearly separated us, it was our lack of communication. My prayers for strength were answered and I was determined to close that gap.

"Will you quit tomorrow if I ask you to?" My heart was in my throat as I waited out the long silence that followed that desperate question. "Yes, if it means keeping us together," he replied. (The relief was tremendous!) "And," he added, "if the motives aren't selfish." "I'm not asking you to quit," I said, "just slow down and come back to us. Give us four years, that's all I ask. Four years and the boys will be out of school. Let's be a family while there's still time. Let's dance with each other." He agreed.

It was that weekend that we danced to Gary Shoemake. (Oregon State Mid-Winter Festival in Eugene, Oregon) Suddenly it was a pleasure to be alive; to be dancing with good friends; to be a partner leader in such a wonderful activity. Listening and watching Gary, I recognized many similar qualities in my caller-husband; that comfortable, down-to-earth stage presence; that special "turn on" to the dancers that made each and everyone feel his appreciation of their presence; that enthusiasm that made dancers wish the tip would never end and eager for the next. It was then that I knew how much he (yes, my caller-husband) has to offer. To ask him to quit calling would be disastrous for him and our marriage.

"Look," I said, "he's been calling for eighteen years. You've been at this less than six years. You're really just a baby and you're really good, but you've only just scratched the surface of your potential. You're no Gary Shoemake — yet, but you will be and I want to be there with you."

We are setting aside time for learning, time for the kids, and time for us. The caller is happy, (has improved tremendously in the past month), the kids are happy, and I am happy. Also, — the house is sold!

Roundalab Journal May, 1982